Breaking Open into a New World

I was telling the women in our New Moon Dreaming Circle that when I'm going through inner change I break things. When that familiar sound of something breaking hits my ears I pause in knowing through every cell that significant change is with me. It is usually just one thing but this last 3 weeks I have broken 5 things. Well, Smashed. And that is how I feel, something is shattering, an old pattern, an old posture, an old perspective, an old way of seeing.

I love how the Earth and material world is always speaking and reflecting to us. Nature is in everything and so is wisdom and there is a continuous communication occurring that is so revealing when we are listening.

Recently Simon and I bought a new car. We had a Fiat 500, cute, fun, tiny and zippy. We were looking for something that is more supportive for camping, exploring WA more in-depth, to carry our bikes, sup boards and Kayak. So we said goodbye to the Fiat and just this last week bought a 4WD. It feels so big.

I tend to go for small things. And this new car is like wearing an outfit 4 sizes up. So much more room and space. So much more flexibility and accessibility for what we love experiencing. It is a car I always saw others driving but not me. Funny how we have ideas of ourself.

I felt really nostalgic for my old car. Yes I know, its just a car Simone. But my heart ached, I wanted to hold on to it and not let it go. I started remembering all the great things about it that I loved and what I would miss. Driving the new car felt foreign. I would see faults or negatives in it. Like my eyes could only see what’s not working for me. As I witnessed this play of the mind and sensations in my body I noticed fear running behind all of this. I realised I felt a new vulnerability and wanted to hang on to the old life. You and I know this is not about cars, they are just playing a symbolic role reflecting my internal self and transforming my vehicle, the way I move in the world.

Listening to nature in these material objects and my relating to them showed me something deeper that I needed to be with. It allowed me to really nurture a space to acknowledge what was dying and to be real and loving toward the fear that was provoked.

After a few days I started to embrace my new car. Still a little foreignness toward myself and allowing the time to come to get to know the new emerging me arriving into the world. This is why I say you can’t ever really know anyone. We are not fixed. I had this lesson years ago when I woke up next to Simon and had lost my memory. I did not know where I was and when I reached my hand out and felt Simon in bed I did not know who he was-either. I was held in moments out of time, out of recognition, out of orientation. As I began to come to know and locate myself and then remember who the man in bed was I felt this profound wisdom that I, could never know completely Simon or myself. That there will always be undiscovered territory, the unfamiliar in the familiar. It changed the way I look at relationship’s. It gave me the understanding that I want to let people change, expand, more into their edges, there is so much to experience and discover about ourselves.

This is the magic.

Patterns, roles and postures get comfortable. And even though we want to experience something new we also like the comfort of what we have got to know. Which is okay. We will colour outside our self made lines eventually.

I can’t really describe in words what is changing for me. But what I can say is it is a breaking of a box that has served its purpose. I feel unusual to myself as this changing quickens and takes. I’m noticing the subtle yet gross affect on the relationships around me. Some planets moving further away, some moving closer. It is kind of like sorting through your cupboard and the clothes kept from 10 years ago no longer give joy, fit or suit you anymore.

Over these last few weeks I have been like a Greek smashing plates, my oven thermostat blew, my heater broke and we decided to change vehicles, letting go of 2 cars to make 1. And just today I watched two cars in front of me smash and spin 360 degrees. I stopped just in time. Fortunately both men walked from their cars.

As Madonna put it “we live in a material world” and I find the material world informs the spiritual world. They work together in the most masterful way. Each with wisdom, bounty and beauty to share and reflect. The spiritual and the material are not separate, they are a compliment to each other. One just a denser form of the other. Some say an illusion but to me the illusion is more about us, the eyes we look through, the way we see and perceive. The illusion that is not yet illuminated to us is part of discovery, part of coming to know and understand. Right now how we perceive ourselves, life, our concept of God or Source energy and our place in the Galaxy is changing. Like the glass and ceramics that broke in my hands the worlds are opening up for us to experience and to experience these new worlds something must break open.

In this time lean into listen to the world around you. Even an object can be a great teacher when we are tuned into our senses and responses to the object, person, place, situation in our life. Some people will look at these things as pfffff... what has that got to do with anything but hey why does a Sufi dancer turn in circles. Unless you embody it you won’t truly know.

Rising into the New world of you is supported by the most mundane daily tasks. Look and you will start seeing magic in everything.